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Ideally, everyone would like to be in a good relationship. In order to have such a relationship, it is necessary for us to continually develop and maintain it.

It is indeed a lifetime commitment for us. Whatever age bracket we belong to or experience in life our relationship will encounter new and demanding challenges. For us to meet these challenges, we should develop flexible skills and better understanding. And there are different types of relationship. The relationship of a couple is perhaps the most important in our society.

It is the primary relationship in the life of the people. It is the basic unit of society. Some relationships are basically sexual. All relationship that are healthy and good are based on mutual respect and can communicate effectively to each other.

But we cannot deny the fact that there will always be problems in the relationship later on. Now the question is how are we going to solve the problems? And that will be the role of relationship counseling. It will guide us to make the right decision. The role of the counselor is not give the solution but to lead us in the process of decision making. This is in contrast with the role of an adviser wherein he is expected to give a definite decision by the concerned individual.

Relationship counseling will give us new outlook and helpful alternatives. The counseling itself will equip us updated methods and way in order to face life`s challenges. In the counseling process, the couple will be given time to express their needs and fears and later on they will decide wisely whatever ill feelings and misunderstanding. It helps in the removal of hindrances for an intimate relationship. Conflicts are easily resolved by both parties. The skills in communicating are enhanced. Relationships are very much improved. People at present are very effective in communicating their thoughts and ideas. They could respond to situations instead of criticizing and complaining. Differences of ideas and beliefs are discussed instead of destroying the reputation of the other person.

The parties involved in the relationship must be aware of their behavior in order to know how the relationship is affected. Let us remember that the main concern of relationship counseling is about the relationship. Relationship is actually is put to the test most of the time. We have a wounded relationship. That is the reason why relationship is taken as a patient to be cured and fixed. Relationship counseling is centered on how both parties answer the different issues they are supposed to face. There are some of them who do not respond, while others respond effectively. The good of the relationship is the primary concern for some people, while others do not bother.

If we are going to undergo relationship counseling, then what are some of the things we could learn as and individual and a couple? We could mention a lot of them.

As an individual

• We will be able to discover a healthy relationship.
• Improvement of one’s relationship.
• We will be able to know what is needed in a relationship.
• Knowing the obstacles of being close and committed.
• Be able to make the relationship full of life, healthy and more fun.

As a couple

• Acquire a relationship that is full of love and fulfillment.
• Be able to discuss the reasons why we have relationship problems
• Able to end conflicts in a healthy manner.
• Able to resolve issues in relation to commitment.
• To have more intimacy and enjoyment in the relationship

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In the last one hundred years the boundaries and definitions of what makes a good relationship have been stretched and distorted into so many new and exciting shapes – some good and some awful. So what ‘makes’ a relationship work for you? And what’s more, what could you do to make the relationship that you are in now – even better?

Could you seek more pleasure, better communication, more companionship or a better sex life from your partner? Well, hypnotherapy may be what you both are looking for to help you to achieve all of these goals and more.

Within sessions of hypnotherapy, you would realize that over time, your mate will respond subconsciously and will also improve your relationship, even if he/she is not participating actively in dealing with the present issues that you are trying to improve! This means that even if your other half is not interested in going with you for therapy, they can still be affected by it and change for the better. If this is the case you will just be shown techniques that will allow your partner to take notice of the process and want to join in.

There are many issues that can “Rock the Boat” when it comes to relationships, however if the reason that you are looking at this article is because you feel that your relationship could be improved, then let me congratulate you on deciding to use hypnotherapy!

Hypnosis can help you make dramatic changes in your attitude which will ultimately improve your relations with others. And amazingly, - as YOU make these dramatic changes, your partner will respond unconsciously, and together you will co-create better communication and rapport.

If this is a bit technical for you, in basic terms it means that hypnosis is effective in dealing with the way we think about things. Thinking is powerful, everything starts with a thought! People that have different perceptions normally have different ideas and views about things.

By improving this type of communication you can completely change your relationships for the better! And this is not all. You will also have a tool to help you to achieve the life of your dreams for both you and your partner.

Because hypnotherapy uses the natural processes of the mind and body, you will be amazed just how quickly you will see the benefits! Remember, relationships are not about – big houses, nice cars or even exotic holidays, but they are about two people living and enjoying life as one.

With a little guidance and time you can truly build a beautiful relationship, now isn’t that what you deserve?

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All of our relationships are multi faceted. Whether it is marital relationship or a love relationship, all have dimensions that make them go through ups and downs in our life. a relationship essentially develops between two persons and that is the reason of these changes. If one person is feeling bad for some reason, the relationship will suffer. There are three factors in a relationship - You, the person you are relating with and the type of relationship. Is there any method to test the relationships? Will that help? Let us find out.

There are few websites that offer tests and quizzes. Attempt all the quizzes on relationships and find out your answers. Ask your mate to do the same and find the answers. Compare your answers and try to find questions that were answered differently by both of you. That will tell you something about the areas your relationship may encounter friction.

The tests will serve another purpose. That is to raise questions in your mind. For example if a test question wants to know if you are satisfied with your mate’s attention to you and you answer yes, but still think if the answer is correct? The questions asked in a test will give you a lot to think about. Discuss the tests with your mate and find out how your views are same and different. This will give you both a long list of questions to talk about with each other.

This exercise must be carried out in an atmosphere of good will and care for each other. Such an exercise can help you find a lot about your relationship and how your mate looks at you. Normally we don’t tell each other that we don’t like a certain habit of our mate. But when we answer that question in a quiz, our opinions will become clear to our mate and without any rancor, we manage to send the message. Quizzes and tests give us an opportunity at no cost to strengthen our relationship.

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Mark sought my help because he was thinking of leaving his wife, Linda. He had not been feeling in love with Linda for a long time, but they had two children and he really didn’t want to break up the family.

“Mark,” I asked, “Were you ever in love with Linda?”

“Yes, at the beginning of our relationship.”

“Then what happened?”

“Linda seemed to get really insecure once I started my new business and had long work days. Even though I think I gave her a lot of attention on the weekends, she started getting angry pretty much every day. Then after our son was born, she seemed even more unhappy and irritable. She gets mean when she’s angry and I just don’t find that appealing. I don’t feel close to her anymore.”

“Have you said anything to her about this?” I asked.

“No,” he replied. “She already seems so unhappy. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“So how do you handle it?”

“I guess I just sort of shut down and pretend that everything is okay. But I’m spending more and more time at work because I don’t like being at home and recently I met another woman that I’m attracted to. I realize I’ve got to do something about this.”

“Do you really think that leaving her will cause less hurt than telling her your truth?”

“Well, if I just leave then I don’t have to deal with her hurt.”

“Mark, that’s a lack of courage and integrity. And you have two children to think about. You once loved Linda and it’s possible that you could again, but only if you are willing to be honest. You need to give Linda a chance to deal with this. She has no idea what’s going on. She might decide to deal with her anger, or she might not, but at least give her a chance to make that decision. And relationship problems are never one-sided. Perhaps she has things to say to you too.”

Mark decided to tell Linda the truth, even though he was really scared. He told her that her anger was pushing him away, and that he didn’t like being home anymore because he felt so blamed and controlled by her. He told her that he was attracted to another woman who was treating him with kindness and caring, and that he wanted this from Linda. He told her he had been thinking of leaving and had sought my help and that I told him to tell the truth. He asked her if she would join him in counseling.

Linda was shocked. She had no idea all this was going on with Mark. She thought she was the only one feeling so unloved in the relationship. At first she reacted exactly as Mark feared, with anger, hurt, and blame. But he told her the truth about this too – that he had been afraid to be truthful with her because of this reaction, and that if she wanted the truth, she need to be open to it rather than closed and angry. Finally Linda heard him and they were able to talk honestly for the first time in years. Linda was actually relieved at hearing the truth, once she got over the initial shock and they were able to talk. She agreed to counseling.

In counseling, Mark discovered that Linda also had been afraid to be honest with Mark, fearing that he would withdraw even more. She was just as afraid of his withdrawal as he was of her anger. They discovered that both of them had been protecting against their fears rather than being open to learning with each other. As they both opened to learning, the love gradually came back into their relationship.

People often believe that they are withholding their truth to spare their partner pain, but their real intent is to protect themselves from the response they fear. Protecting against pain – with anger, withdrawal, and blame - will always bring about the very pain we fear, while opening to learning and speaking our truth opens the door to love.

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Maria consulted with me because she was frustrated about the distance she felt in her relationship with her husband, Carl. He wanted to be close to her, but she didn’t feel close to him.

“I think the problem is that he often talks to me in a judgmental or condescending way. He sounds like a parent rather than a partner. I just hate being spoken to like that.”

“How do you respond when he speaks to you like that?” I asked.

“I withdraw and feel badly. Then later I sometimes try to talk with him about it, but he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He thinks I’m too sensitive and that I just want to blame him.”

How often have you had the experience of not knowing what to say in conflict? Later, after thinking about it, you think of all the things you wish you would have said. Then you go back to your partner to try to deal with the issue, only to discover that it’s too late - your partner doesn’t understand what you are talking about.

“Maria, imagine that the part of you that hates being spoken to like Carl speaks to you is a small child. Would you let him speak to a child like that?”

“No. Actually, I don’t let him speak to our children like that. He speaks to them with kindness and caring because he knows that I will say something if he is mean to them.”

“So you stand up for your children in the moment, but you don’t stand up for yourself, for the child within you, in the moment?”

“Yeah. I just never know what to say.”

“What do you say to him later?”

“I tell him I didn’t like his tone of voice. But he isn’t aware of it.”

“Right. He will be aware of it only if you say it in the moment. Most people are not aware of their tone of voice. When you tell him about it later, he really doesn’t know what you are talking about. You need to be responding in the moment for him to hear his own voice. You need to be saying something like, ‘ Carl, I hate it when you speak to me in that judgmental, parental voice. I don’t feel like being with you when you talk to me like that.’ You have a much better chance of him understanding what you are saying when he can hear his own voice in the moment. And you will feel much better when you speak up for yourself in the moment. You will not feel so much like withdrawing when you are not abandoning yourself in the face of his judgmental tone.”

While Maria certainly didn’t like Carl’s tone of voice, her distance from him was more due to her self-abandonment than to his behavior. As long as she was being a victim and not taking care of herself in the moment, she was feeling badly. It’s easy to blame Carl and think that her feelings are his fault, but her feelings were really the result of not taking loving care of herself around Carl.

Marie started to speak up, not blaming Carl but just letting him know her truth. To her great surprise and delight, he finally began to understand what she was saying. He was actually a caring person and just didn’t realize that he was being parental and judgmental. The more Marie responded in the moment and spoke her truth, the better things got between them. Carl wasn’t perfect, but Marie found that when she spoke up instead of withdrew, they were able to deal with the issue in the moment. She also discovered that the more she took care of herself in the moment instead of being a victim – with Carl and with her friends and family - the more respect Carl had for her. Some of his judgment toward her was coming from his frustration over her not speaking up for herself with her family and friends!

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Relationship renewal day will be celebrated on 4th May. This is the day to renew and bring new freshness in relationships. What does this mean? Why do relationships go dull and bad some times? Can bad relationships be renewed? Let us talk about all these.

Most of the relationships go through phases. In the beginning the relationship is full of care and love. The partners/spouses show extreme love and concern for each other. Till then they have not found out the differences. They crop up after some time. There are few ways the difference crop up. One may be expectations. The other may be- I am being used complex. The third may be- probably we are not right for each other. Let us find out how to bring a new life to the relationship that is suffering because of the problems I mentioned and other problems.

The first step is to stop complaining and begin thanking your partner. No one likes to hear complains every day. They also have their complains. Stop complaining and start saying Thanks for all that your partner does for you. You may say that there is nothing to thank for, but still try and find a reason to say -Thank you. That will bring immediate change and you will notice it.

The next step is to talk with your partners about his/her problems. Become a genuine friend and find out what is troubling them. That will make your partner feel that you are concerned. When you listen to their problems, you may find lot of truth in that. Try to do what ever you can to solve the problems and never let your partner feel lonely.

The third step is to begin saying I Love You in as many ways as possible. Let your partner feel the love again. This expression of love will bring the spark of affection back in your life.

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There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. All couples go through rough times and experience difficulties in maintaining a healthy relationship. However, there are some who do not take these as a challenge and so they easily let go and end the relationship for good.

Ending the relationship is not always a best solution when conflicts arise. Conflicts are normal part of the relationship and these even make the relationship stronger and test your love for each other. If you end the relationship sooner, it only goes to show that you have a weak foundation and your feelings for each other are not that intense. So, when you encounter problems in the relationship, the best thing that you can do is to seek relationship help.

Relationship help is very much available on the Internet nowadays. More and more relationship counselors have taken advantage of the power of the Internet to reach a wider market that is in need for relationship help. But since there are lots of options available, you have to make sure that you choose a reliable adviser for you, one who really has the experience and the commitment to serve other people who long for a rewarding love life and great relationship.

There are several ways where relationship help can be provided. These can be through significant tools for positive change, personal coaching, and retreat for couples. Because of the Internet, these are very much available for easier access and more convenience. You need not to leave the comfort of your home or office just to inquire and avail of all these. By simply browsing through sites, you can now seek relationship help in minutes.

Nowadays, there are lots of books about relationships that can be purchased in local stores and online. These books include articles about improving relationships, different advice from marriage and relationship counselors, and success stories of couples who overcome very difficult times in their relationship. These books can help you a lot in assessing your relationship problems as well as yourself in order to figure out the best solution to undertake. Aside from that, these books can also help you stay on a positive track and are essential if you want a truly rewarding partnership.

Personal coaching can also play a significant role in providing relationship help. You can check online for a site that offers a coaching session for couples. This session can help you have a healthy, joyful, and rewarding relationship. After the session, you will sure gain clear insights about resolving relationship issues and you will learn new strategies to make positive changes even if you are in very rough times.

If a personal coaching session is not the thing for you, then you can always opt for a retreat. By spending a week with your chosen relationship counselors, you can really seek relationship help. A retreat for couples is often held in an intensive and supportive place to achieve profound results. A concentrated weekend program is included to really transform your relationship. When you get home, you will really feel that your relationship is renewed and the romance is rekindled.

All these ways can really provide you with effective relationship help that gives positive results. You should keep in mind to seek relationship help as soon as you see a first sign of trouble. This will help you resolve the problem sooner and avoid much bigger conflicts in the future.

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Relationship commitment. A lifelong goal for some, and others, a thought that puts shivers down their spine. While many would love to settle down and grow closer to someone over a period of years, the thrill of the chase is much more satisfying for everyone else.

Growing up, meeting someone, and getting married is a natural progression for most of the population. Albeit a dwindling past time now in the twenty first century. Marriage is becoming less popular while divorce rates increase periodically. Looking for Mr or Mrs right, finding them, and settling down, and bring up a family is a fantastically rewarding experience.

Meeting the right person is a must for this to be a lifelong enjoyable experience. Does the person want the same things out of life, and will they be willing to go that extra mile to get them. Are they genuine in everything they say? Trust is a major factor in any relationship. When someone says “I love you”, they have to mean it. No relationship can be a long term happy affair if one of you doesn’t mean this when they say it.

The relationship doesn’t have to be based on a contract, you just need the spark to be sustained throughout. It has to stay as fresh as the first few weeks or months. If boredom has a chance of setting in, that’s when the relationship can break down. Keep the romance alive, continue to do the things that you do in the early days of your relationship. Leave little notes for your partner, and bring a gift when you arrive home from work.

If problems occur they have to be discussed as soon as possible. Letting something brew for a period of time will only magnify it. The sooner a problem is talked about the more chance you have of getting it resolved, then the relationship can continue.

Relationship commitment is a journey that will have it’s ups and downs, and many rewards at the same time. Nothing can be more satisfying than raising a family, and growing old with a loving partner. This is something the thrill chasers will surely miss out on, either by never committing to anything, or giving up just when it starts to get serious.

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The term ‘making love’ has different meanings to different people. In general, in human nature, on TV shows and in movies, the term making love is used to define a tender moment of intimacy between two people. Yes, it usually indicates the act of intercourse, but it is supposedly describing it in a more substantial and meaningful way. The term making love is supposedly meant to imply something beautiful, something romantic ~ to create love. It is used to intentionally deter from giving the vision or thought of sex as being something obscene.

The term ‘making love’ wasn’t always used to depict the actual act of having sex. It was used to describe something more pure and even innocent. In the old days, the words ‘making love’ were used to describe any romantic, intimate gesture. Something as simple as a kiss, a flirtation, an expression of devotion, or even a dance was defined as ‘making love’. Times sure have changed, haven’t they? The days of wine and romance seem to be long gone, but for some of us, the words ‘making love’ still hold a special meaning.

Everyone at one time or another has probably been told, or they themselves have said to another – I’m not just having sex with you, I’m making love with you. Of course, those statements are not always made with the utmost genuineness. It tends to give the term a bad name when used in those circumstances. But hopefully, common sense or gut instinct will let you know when it’s not being said to you in all sincerity. If not, and you realize at a later time, chalk it up to experience. Live and learn, then move on and acknowledge the lesson.

But hopefully you have a partner who does acknowledge the significance of the words ‘making love’ in their true sense. It should be an intimate and passionate experience. Making love, in the actual sense of the term, can be one of the most fulfilling exchanges of trust between two people. So choose your words wisely people, for tomorrow they may come back to haunt you.

A common expression is “I’ll meet you halfway,” and we often take that attitude into our marriage. I hear frequent complaints from couples in trouble that their partner isn’t pulling their fair weight, that one is giving more than the other.

Whoever determined that life is a 50-50 proposition?

Some give more than others. Some take more than others. On every level of society from politics to business to social interactions, there are discrepancies of effort, economics, and emotions.

Going into a relationship with the expectation that contributions will be fairly shared is to court disaster. Over a span of time, a certain amount of evenness will develop through a process of give-and-take and ups-and-downs. But at any specific point, one may be giving while the other needs to just take for a while.

We all need to enter the most important relationship of our life with the foreknowledge and determined commitment to give 100%. Once we have internalized that concept, we can avoid the painful feelings we get when we think we are being cheated of our just rewards. If the relationship is healthy, and both partners are committed to the 100% investment, eventually it will work out somewhere in the middle -probably never 50-50 but somewhere in the broad bell curve of averages: 30% to 70%. At different times, the equation adjusts as careers, children, and other responsibilities change.

If you are the individual giving 70% and your other half is falling a little short, remember that you swore to give 100% so you are much better off than you expected.

Can you see how such thinking changes the framework of your marriage? You’re not getting cheated, you’re getting much more support than your original bargain called for!

You can use this new attitude in any aspect of your partnership. Many couples develop resentment over their relative monetary contributions. If you have the initial anticipation of being the sole breadwinner, then any contribution by the other, however small, is a great big bonus. If you enter the union with the expectation that you will handle all the cleaning and parenting chores required, then anything done by your partner is a plus.

If one of you handles your mutual social obligations, then the participation of your spouse, even if limited to just showing up and being there, is more than you expected. You may feel, as many of my patients do, that you are not getting the support and good strokes that you deserve. Reframe the sense of deprivation within the 100% concept and you find that even occasional support and positive feedback is an unexpected gift.

We all need to feel loved and appreciated and cherished. We also need to give love and appreciation to others. If we give more than we get, we can harbor anger at our being cheated or we can love and appreciate our own selves for having a greater capacity to give.

This one single change in your outlook towards your relationship can transform the hidden resentments that result in nagging, negativity, and verbal putdowns into a deep satisfaction that leads to overt affection, positive support, and mutual respect.

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